For the past week, I have had company in town and therefore I have not been able to stick to my routine. Going to bed hours later than usual has led to me hitting snooze on my alarm, rather than get up an hour or so before work to do my yoga practice and journaling. I caught myself yesterday, for just a moment, beating myself up for not practicing and “falling off the wagon.” This brief moment of being overly harsh to myself led me to think more about self-love, self-acceptance, and forgiveness.

I thought for a moment of putting someone I love in my shoes. If my best friend had called me and said “I’m doing great on my yoga teacher training! I am one class away from my 200 hour certification, I’ve been working overtime seeing private therapy clients after my day job, and I have been hosting company this week and having a great time getting some social life TLC! I engaged in a daily yoga practice up until last Thursday, but then I got caught up in everything going on and haven’t practiced in a week! I feel like I’m failing because I can’t juggle all of the balls in the air right now. I should be able to go to bed at midnight and still get up at 6:30 for yoga… I don’t know why I’m being so lazy…” I would have stopped her in her tracks and said “Are you kidding me?! You’re doing AMAZING things and I am SO PROUD of you!!” So, why is it so hard to do this for ourselves?

I do assessments with clients all week, and after going through their childhood, teen years, what’s not going good, and lifelong trauma, they only really squirm when I ask “So, what are you good at? What are your strengths?” I’ve noticed that we as a collective can rattle off a serial list of things not going well, things we could do better at, things we wish we would do but we don’t…. but then struggle intensely to list 3 or 4 things we excel at.

Society has unfortunately conditioned us well to play small. Think of all of the negative words for someone talking about why they are awesome: conceited, big-headed, self-absorbed, vain, arrogant, cocky just to name a few. On the flip side, words like confident and self-assured come up as positive words to use for the same concept… but these words don’t carry the same sharpness and intense energy that their counterparts do. I also struggled to find more than these two words to describe self-affirmation positively, whereas I could keep going and going with the negatives.

Sometimes people are absolutely unable to come up with good things about themselves. The easiest way I have found to build self-love in myself and others in this case is to step into the shoes of someone who loves you. What would your mother/sister/best friend/favorite teacher/co-worker say about you? Even if you don’t believe it? “Well… my best friend always laughs at my jokes and says I’m funny.” Ok! Great start. Now, if we understand Abraham-Hicks’ concept of beliefs: a belief is a thought you keep thinking, all we have to do is keep thinking “I have a good sense of humor” until we believe it. Eventually, if told enough that we are good or bad, we come to believe it. That’s why it is so damaging to have constant negative self-talk; we really buy into and believe the negative things about ourselves that we think. To counteract these patterns, start small with one or two things that other people would say are your good qualities. Repeat these strengths over and over. Use “I” language; not “they think I’m creative” but “I am creative!” Write them on post-its and put them around your house. Put them in your planner. Set them as your desktop background. Whatever will help you to have constant exposure to your positive mantras is good practice.

While we are working on instilling the positive thoughts and feelings about ourselves, however, we also need to spread this concept to how we interact with the world. Each time we focus on positivity, self-love, and strengths, we reinforce that network in our brain so that it becomes easier and easier to engage in these thought patterns. In that same vein, we also need to weaken the negative connections that pull us into the mean, harsh, demeaning thought patterns, for ourselves and others. We reinforce the societal trap of playing small each time we engage in conversation that intends to keep others feeling small, and trying to put them in their place (aka, not loving themselves too much). How many times have you heard. thought, or said (and I’m guilty as well) “Wow, he’s really full of himself!” “Did you see what she was wearing? She doesn’t have the body for that” “She’s really not that pretty/good/skilled/etc.” Every time we allow ourselves to fall in this trap, we are strengthening the idea that this other person shouldn’t feel so good about themselves, and therefore neither should I.

Self love is a process, and it takes a lot of self-awareness. I sometimes am still catching myself engaging in these thought patterns; but I am to the point where I can recognize it and then choose to change my thoughts. “I can’t believe she’s wearing that” becomes “Actually, good for her. I’m glad she has the confidence to wear what she wants without worrying about what other people are thinking. I am going to work more on doing the same, and wearing things I love rather than things I think other people will love on me!” Also, loving actions can really help to focus on the positive. Give compliments! Tell others what they are doing well and what you like about them, and see how it becomes easier to begin to tell yourself the same!

As you practice loving yourself and giving love and acceptance to others, you will start to emanate positivity and love. Imagine a world where people love and accept themselves, and encourage others to do the same. Imagine school aged children seeing this modeled by their parents; instead of bullying others for seemingly innumerable differences, they spread self-love and acceptance, and encouraged others to do the same. Loving yourself and changing your thought patterns sends out a vibrational pattern that has a ripple effect that extends far beyond just yourself. As you feel better about yourself, you are kinder to others, in turn helping them to feel better about themselves and be kinder to others, etc.

In summation, I missed a week of my practice, and I’m ok with that. I spent the week having a great time with company, working my butt off to get closer and closer to my goals doing a job I love and excel at. I help people in significant ways every single day. I empower people to be their best selves, and they in turn impact the lives of their family, friends, and others in positive ways. These ripples start with me; I have the power to make a difference in this world. I am living my truth and fulfilling my purpose. I am kind, I am loving, and I am generous. I am grateful I woke up this morning and practiced a yoga class I created for the people visiting. I am grateful that someone somewhere will read this post and gain some new insight into how they’ve been treating themselves and others. I am beautifully and wonderfully made, and am happy with the person I am growing into!

I decided to post the above picture because I tend to automatically engage in negative thought patterns when I see a side-profile picture of myself. My habit is to see all of the things I don’t like, and to focus on flaws. Today, I choose to focus on how happy I look in this photo being at a dear friends’ beautiful wedding with people who I love deeply! Self love is a choice, and the more you make that choice, the easier it becomes.

Please feel free to start your self-love journey below by posting your strengths, what you like about yourself, and what others like about you! ❤